Ameera 22 Medical Student

history

you never gave me butterflies

of tears and dyspnea

post meet up is always the hardest

An Anonymous Appreciation Post

Head = Heart = Aches

"at what age did you lose yourself?"

a hello that ends with a hello.

Latest Compilation Of -- You.

Low Roar. I'm that depressed.

15 Things I've Learn From Life (There's more, I'm ...

I thought I have grown to be a better version of myself, a better savior of myself, the one who'll fight for myself. When instead the only fights I won is the ones behind closed doors. I let people do it and I gave them chances that maybe, just maybe, they won't do it again. It's better like this, it's better to be the one taking the bullet than holding the gun. 

It's crazy how all this time I kept my mouth shut for the fights that I could have won, for all the hatred and insensitive things that I could have buried it in whole if I would have just speak up and save myself from feeling like a worthless piece of nothing. Instead, I kept silence and I let people think that it is okay to hurt me, that it is nothing, and I'm strong enough to let it be behind me. They have the gun but I pulled the trigger.

It has been a vicious cycle between myself and I. Early this year, I'm finally learning to love myself in whole, with all its scars and marks, and that I'd never, ever fit in society's beauty standard but it was okay as long as I am in love with it, as long as I cared so much for it because of how it is the vessel that keeps me alive, everything will be alright.

It was a love hate relationship between myself and I. I loved how it used to be and I hated how it ended up to be. My insecurities overwhelmed me, had me avoiding every mirror on the sidewalk, gave me anxieties each time someone tagged me in a photo hoping that it'll not make me even more sad. I never told this to anyone, not one, of how insecure I am. Knowing that it'll be an item, a source for someone to make even more fun of me, I rather just keep it for myself. 

I got better, and I'm finally learning to love myself better. I did got better until recently, it was the biggest fall I ever had in this so-called vicious cycle. I couldn't sleep it through, I cannot lie to myself anymore that everything will be alright. I have always been this silence but this time I hated myself for not doing anything because it ended up consuming me. I don't even want to get out of my room because I was afraid of all the dirty little judgement that everyone is going to have towards me because of one insensitive person. It took me so much courage to love all my imperfections only to be broken down by one. 

This. This is the reflection of how your words are mightier than any sword.